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Application for Browns GM (click here)

Hiring Process by Adam Doc Fox

Do you have what it takes to be the General Manager of the Cleveland Browns? Answer the questions below to find out! Keep track of your points.


1. You are an Olympic sprinter looking to join a relay team. As future captain and fastest human, you get to choose the team that will join you. Who do you pick?
A. Team Johnny--- Probably the fastest group in the nation. They work hard, come from the best universities, and have no attitude issues. 3pts.
B. Team Freddy--- Average speed guys, average grades in school, and usually show up on time to practice. Off the track, they are role models and great citizens to all that see them. 2pts.
C. Team Doc--- No one has ever heard of this team. However, you have a hunch that this group of guys might just save the day. Chances are the fans of your relay team will hate these guys, but you like your hunch. 1pt.

Public Image:

2. Bad, semi-nude pictures of you have appeared all over the internet from an all night drink fest back in your younger college days. Do you…
A. Admit you were once dumb and young like everyone else, swear that those days are long gone, and assert that this will have no bearing on the focus of your current life and job. 3pts
B. Feel confident that no matter what pictures are on the internet, six inches is six inches, and if they want to put those photos on Sportscenter, then so be it. You call a press conference to trade drinking stories with the reporters. 1pt.
C. Acknowledge the mistakes of your past. During a TV interview, your troubled past makes Barbara Walters cry and the public feel sorry for you. After the show, you find David Letterman’s dressing room and ask him for some dating advice. 2pts.

Quarterback Care:

3. How would you react to this situation: There are many valuable plants in your garden. However, your rose bush, which could lead you to many ribbons at the state fair, is most valuable to you. Unfortunately, for the last eight or nine years, your rose bush has had no protection from bugs and animals. Do you…
A. Realize nature is nature, and even though your neighbor offers to put up a fence around your plants, you still do nothing. Eventually a weaker rose bush sprouts up and you can’t decide what rose to take to the fair--- not that it would matter after the bugs ate through both of them all year. 1pt
B. Understand a little preparation could help out your plant. You build a little wall around your rose bush and that gives your plant time to grow. 2pts
C. Realize a quality rosebush takes a lot of factors to win a prize. You build a fence, spray the plant, water it often, and remove all other competitive roses—as you can only take one rose to the fair championships. 3pts

Being A Team Boss:

4. In the army, you’re a commander of some fifty troops. During a war, you are ordered to attack a hill and take it over. You decide to send twenty troops to the right to flank the enemy as you bring 30 soldiers through the front. What would you prefer…
A. As the flanking troops are approaching the hill, the 2nd in command decides he wants to give the orders. Although you are supposed to be in charge, you listen to him anyway. The 2nd in command sends one soldier at a time towards the hill, and they are mowed down and killed one by one until you have no troops left. 1pt.
B. Before the battle starts, many of your soldiers are ill. Instead of lying to other generals about them having swollen testicles, you bring in great doctors and comfort the soldiers while they’re sick. As a result, the troops recover and want to fight for you, thus taking the hill and the battle. 2pts.
C. Through your non-stop effort to recruit the best special forces on the planet, taking the hill without casualties is effortless. You have created such a tight core that not even war could tear your platoon apart. 3pts.

Please add up your score and compare it below.

0-4pts: You would make a great GM for the Cleveland Browns. You show great ineptitude when it matters most and have a general overall cluelessness towards your everyday approach.

5-7pts: Although it seems you have some intelligence, unfortunately for this position, that is a job hindrance.

8-12pts: Way overqualified. Instead of leading a team, city, and hope itself towards utter ruin and demise, you would probably make everyone happier than a 16yr. old boy leaving a Tijuana strip club.

Application prepared by Adam Doc Fox

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